We like  a bit of a tagline don’t we? The odd hashtag here and there, a strap line to our social media posts or selfies if you will. A few very short months ago in the aftermath of Caroline Flack’s death it felt like the nation in its entirety was finally starting to understand the fragility of mental health and see just how quickly someone can spiral into hopelessness and helplessness when their life actually looks pretty peachy-keen. For a few gloriously short weeks everyone seemed to be posting the same message…

Be Kind

Don’t judge

You have no idea what someone else is going through

Then came COVID19 and BOY has that shown the utterly diabolical disparity in society. Now, before I get in to this let me just backtrack a little, as per usual! When I first started this sanctimonious, self-important diatribe it was due to suddenly finding myself in a very strange position; I was happy and I was content. I began to have a better understanding of myself and how my brain worked and really wanted a bit of a medium to explain to those close to me that I was actually doing okay. Life was good, I was incredibly fortunate and this big thing from my past wasn’t necessarily the monster it used to be.

Fast forward a few years and I suddenly realise that I have paid this little nugget of nonsense no mind in over a year. That is not because anything has changed, I’m still blissfully happy, I’m still disgustingly content and I’m still very aware of how fortunate I am. I just got a bit occupied with relationships, house renovations and generally living my best life (another strap line…).

Anyway I guess the reason behind this post at this particular time is partly professional but mostly personal. As Always, allow me to explain.

We are all in very strange times just now, but we all know that. COVID19 restrictions have impacted on every single facet of every one of our lives. Put simply the advice we have at the moment is do not leave the house unless you absolutely have to and protect our NHS. Now for those of you that might not know I very very proudly work for the NHS.

I am a nurse and a mental health nurse at that. I might not be directly in contact with COVID19 patients right now but you can rest assured I am working directly with its aftermath. Just like every other primary care facility the setting I am part of has been subject to changes in and around how the wards work, and rightly so. Some of the changes mean that the guys and gals’ movements are severely restricted, family and social contact has been drastically reduced in line with government guidelines (visiting has been suspended at present) and how we work as a staff group has also changed (I’ve had to shave my beard off for crying out loud…well mostly just crying inside).

The main thing is that every single one of these changes has been for the singular goal of protecting our and our clients’ physical as well as mental health. For the most part our guys and gals get it, they really do. Sure there has been the odd gripe and the odd complaint but generally? Heads are down and getting on with things is the name of the game. The general public though? I’m not massively sure we’re still riding the Be Kind wave. Let me explain.

As most of you know Mal and I are renovation our old house at the moment. Some demolition, some building works, the full schebang. For us this brings a lot of decorating, a LOT of painting and a lot of fixing things. That is absolutely Malcolm’s absolute pleasure, nothing sates him more than deciding between 735,244 shades of paint and applying it to every square inch of the house. He also works in education and currently is working from home so he’s spending quite a large part of his week within the same four walls, much like the rest of the country I hasten to add. The point is that he does not mind it one bit. He is incredibly comfortable with himself and can happily sit in his own company until the cows come home (or I come home from work…same thing I guess).

That, my dears is where we differ.

Before the restrictions I would spend at least one of my days off each week down in Dundee seeing my family, doing bits and pieces for my folks or taking my dad out for a drive and I absolutely valued that. Not just the social side but the actual drive down from Aberdeen and back. Throw a podcast on in the car and just lose myself in the narrative, do what I had planned then repeat the journey home. I absolutely loved that type of alone time where I had a task in hand, an audible distraction and did not get the chance to think.

See the thing is I struggle to sit in my own silence. I find that I tend to slip into my own head and all those old insecurities rear themselves up and begin to gnaw away at me. I question myself, second guess just about everything and everyone and before I know where I am I’m lost in anxiety and self doubt. I’m immediately back in those feelings of worthlessness, a bit hopeless and a whole lot of self loathing and that can be an absolute ball ache to try and pull yourself out of, but I have to pull myself out of it.

I know unequivocally for my own mental health that I need to be busy and in the current climate being busy can be anything from the food shopping to gardening to regularly cleaning the car. Keeping myself task oriented isn’t a form of distraction for me, it’s more being able to reflect on time spent with a sense of achievement. If I can look back on a day having spent the time constructively then I’m generally all good and can usually allow myself some relaxation time. The bit that I have between my teeth just now is how quite a lot of people seem to be becoming increasingly judgemental of how others are conducting themselves during lockdown without really taking the time to try to understand why.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the social media posts from Tam and Mavis ranting about the bloke that bought 2 tins of emulsion and a pack of paintbrushes from B&M’s the other day or the lady that was out twice this week cleaning out her car. How do they know that the bloke isn’t painting his house to keep himself busy so that he doesn’t end up in the arse end of a bottle again? Are Tam or Mavis aware that the woman cleaning her car so often is actually a nurse in a medical admissions ward and is terrified her contaminated uniforms might bring COVID19 to her 6 month old baby? (Sidebar, B&M’s emulsion? A bit watery, not really worth using).

I get that not everyone is being sensible, not everyone is taking this seriously but not everyone is being a dick about it either. I’m not being irresponsible or reckless, I can’t afford to be. My job dictates that I have to take huge precautions to protect myself and in turn protect those that I care for, I’ve shaved my beard off for crying…..you get the picture. I guess what I am trying to say is that for all intents and purposes my neighbours might see a little fat bald(ing) man going about his business, doing his garden and cleaning his car, toddling off to the shops for “essential” supplies once or twice a week no fucks given. The reality is very different.

The reality is someone making sure that they protect their own sanity, their own mental health in order to be able to give that self same support to a client group that are so very often ignored and are very much in dire need of the support. The thing is that for the most part that client group doesn’t just live in hospitals. They live around us, they live beside us, they live inside us.

Be Kind.

Don’t judge.

You have no idea what someone else is going through until you take the time to ask.